Mother by Daniel Keene

Author:Daniel Keene
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Currency Press

SIX

CHRISTIE inside a derelict house

Cold rooms

Rats scratching

Stains

when Lenny stopped paying the rent on the house I went round to his sister’s place to see him and he wouldn’t even let me inside

so I stood there on the front step like a fucking beggar

and he told me that I could move in with him and his sister

there was a sleepout I could have

he wasn’t paying for a place where he didn’t live

and I said aren’t you coming back

but he didn’t answer

you’d be close to the baby was all he said

and so you and your sister can keep eye on me I said

I’m thinking about you and the baby he said

oh yeah I said

I might as well be a corpse as in that sleepout I said

what kind of life would I have living like that out the back

with eyes on me day and night

what kind of a life have you got now he said

my own life I said

I want what’s best he said

best for who I said not for me I said

for the baby for the baby he said

pig’s arse I said

he should be with me I said

he should be with his mother

Christie he said

Christie have you looked at yourself lately

every morning when I have a wash I said

I see myself staring back

I see that baby’s mother

I see empty arms where a baby should be

I see hands with nothing to do

I see a mouth that hasn’t been kissed

I’m dried out with crying I said

I’m heavy inside like someone’s cut me open and stitched a lead weight inside me

like someone’s taken a stick to me

look in my eyes Lenny

look in my eyes and tell me what you see

/

he didn’t say nothing for a while

he wouldn’t look at me

you can move into the sleepout any time you want he said

what if I don’t want to I said

then I don’t know what you’ll do he said

and that was the end of it

he turned away shut the door

/

I went home and looked at myself

I wanted to see what Lenny had seen

something had made him turn away from me

but how can you turn away from yourself

you’ve got to see yourself when you’re not looking

you’ve got to look at yourself as though you’re someone else

how can you do that

/

I sat on the back step of the house that wasn’t mine anymore

I sat there as night-time filled the backyard

all the green weeds and the flowers I’d planted

and the vegetables dying in the plots that Lenny had dug

were all disappearing into the dark

and I tried to see myself

to see what Lenny saw and what my mother saw

and what the baby saw

I saw my hands on Lenny’s skin

and my hands holding the baby’s tiny hands

and I saw my arms around my mother

helping her into bed and all her ruined life like sweat on her skin

and I saw my face against Lenny’s face

on our pillows in our bed in our house that wasn’t ours anymore

and I saw my baby’s face still raw from being inside me pressed into my soft belly

and I

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.